Got a bottle of schnapps handy? Let’s play my restaurant web site drinking game.
Go to a random restaurant website. Any web site will do. Here’s the rules.
Every time your iPhone gives you a lego block “Flash missing” message take a drink. Then call Steve Jobs and tell him what you think of him.
If music starts playing automatically – take a drink. Take two if the song is some tired stock “your genre here” song. Take another one if there’s no “mute” button or if there’s one but your selection is not memorized between visits.
If there’s a nifty scroller of pictures of food – take a drink. Take two if it’s in Flash.
If there’s no text anywhere on the landing page that shows opening hours and location – take a drink. Take two if there’s none anywhere.
If there’s no phone number on the front page – take a drink.
For any of the following words in the restaurant’s description or “about” page take a drink: seared to perfection, a dream in, French casual, fusion, delectable, eclectic, mouthwatering, seasonal, fresh, gluten free, velvety, succulent, luscious, most wonderful.
Find the menu. If it’s in PDF take a drink. If it’s a JPG or PNG and can’t be indexed by search engines take two drinks. Take three drinks if someone just photographed an open menu and posted that picture.
If the restaurant wants you to become friends on Facebook take a drink. You’re looking for food, not friends. If the restaurant wants you follow it on Twitter take another drink. Then hunt down and beat up a random “social media consultant”. Have a big gulp if the restaurant <iframe>’d their fanpage somewhere.
If there’s more text about the chef than about the food, take a drink.
By now you should be sufficiently liquored up and not drive anywhere. Call for pizza.