An Open Letter to Frau Heidi Wys

Update: I’m starting a post about all the fallout from this article which is, frankly, staggering and exciting at the same time. Also apologies for a slow site, that is explained, too.

Telling the President, my Commander in Chief, to “go back to Kenya” is one thing. I just think you’re a racist piece of shit for that one. Sputtering stupid lines about his birth certificate, well, what’s good for Donald Trump should be good for other idiots, as well. I care but I don’t care enough to call people out.

But then, two days ago, you said something that needs to be addressed:

I fight Obama with all the strength in my heart and passion as a descendant of germans!!

is what you said. Now, listen up. And listen good (yes, I am mangling English. Which should be familiar to you considering you think that “Wah! Wah! I feel like vomiting! Dinner with a guy borned in Kenya and claims he was borned in Hawaii!” is a proper English sentence).

First, I am completely stunned how a mediocre piece of racist and anti-American shit like you deserves to get $600k from anyone, let alone as a political consultant to a member of the House. Secondly, I am appalled that someone like you has a job anywhere in the political system. Disagree with politics all you can and should, I do too. But as Americans we should never stoop so low as to allow a racist little piece of feces like you even close to the Halls of Power.

But, again, all the above just makes me hate you. It won’t usually make me soil my hands writing to you and I for sure wouldn’t soil my public face on the Internet. However, Frau Wys, I have to have words with you.

You know, I am German. I can trace my heritage back 16 generations of Germanic and Norse settlers. My grandfather fought the Nazis, a tall, blonde, man with long hair, blue eyes, bulging muscles, and a face like chiseled Nordic granite. An Aryan posterchhild killing Nazis where he could find them. I am German, more than you are anything. My genes are pure, my German is accent free and I can switch between six German accents, five Scandinavian and Germanic languages, and three out-there dialects like Frisian and Bavarian without as much as few fired neurons.

I am German. I represent Germany. I speak for Germany, for the 80-something million people working, living, and breathing in Germany. And as such I will say this:

Get the fuck out of my heritage! We don’t want you. We don’t care for you. We do not like you. We hate racist, dumb, little twerps like you.

You will never, ever, mention your heritage again. Because, as of right now, you have been expelled from it. You are not one of us, your ancestors made the unfortunate decision of not raising you right which, I guess, leads to becoming this kind of shitbat you are. Had they raised you right, if you understood one hundredth of the culture and people Germans are, you would never, ever, spout the bullshit you are spouting. Our proud Nordic traditions encompass values such as Honor and Valor. Our countries were the first in the world to open to outsiders and welcome them with a handshake and an offer to stand with us, regardless their skin color. We value our leaders and while we might disagree, loudly, with them, we never, ever, stoop so low to attack them on fake accounts of heritage or their skin color.

We opened our countries to same-sex marriages before anyone else, made Iceland energy independent, built a massive economy out of the rubble of our failure and shame to live up to our own values in the 30s and 40s in Germany. We are fiercely independent, privacy minded, and strong in the face of adversity. But one thing we never are, and one thing we have learned the very, very, hard way, 60 years ago: we are not bigots, we are not racists, and we do not spew lies to demean our leaders.

You are not German. You never were German. And whatever genetic or cultural heritage might have been in you at some point, you shat it out with all the bullshit you puke around you. You have lost all respect of the people whose name and heritage you use in vain. Shame on you. This here German wouldn’t spit on you if you were on fire. And neither would any other true German out there. And shame on Jenniffer Gonzalez for employing you.

Mit besten Grüβen, Du dummes Stück Rassistenscheiβe,

Jonas, Real German.

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